She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
