She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
