those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
