is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
