What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We had to coat check the pizza.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
