xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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