Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
