So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
