some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
