1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
