good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
