Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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