Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
