I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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