never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
