it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
