I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
