I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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