Taylor Swift is so right about you.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
