Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
