I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
