Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
