This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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