we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
