Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The struggles of a small town man whore
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
