i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I supernannyed him into submission
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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