I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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