I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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