i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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