On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
