You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
