Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
