Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
zippers are such a cool invention
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
