About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
