Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
