I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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