my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
