just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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