so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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