So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
