Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
