My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
