K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
