My liver just broke up with me...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Still dying that you shit outside
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
