roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
