Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
