we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Two words: blizzard sex
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
