I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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