I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
