she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize