So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
